This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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