We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
