best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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