I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you had me at cake vodka
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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