You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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