i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
