I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
