he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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