No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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