So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
