if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
