What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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