So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
