Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
