Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
