Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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