the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
