He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
