my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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