Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
