Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
