Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
