Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
