she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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