I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
