2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
