Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
