i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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