i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
