I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
