I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
