RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
me + whiskey = a bad person
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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