I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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