I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
