Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
