His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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