I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
And then he peed in my hair
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