I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
