well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
