We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
