I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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