does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
