you turned your livingroom into a bong?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
