Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
