My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
