Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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