I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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