he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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