For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
