We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
